


Simply unacceptable

by AtPK



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:47:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5162726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtPK/pseuds/AtPK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin Week Drabble: Day 1 (Commander Handsome)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Simply unacceptable

One final flick and flourish of the ink on paper and Erwin sat back with a sigh, pushing the stake of papers as far away from him as possible. He was done with paperwork, for now at least, and that meant one of two things: bath, and then bed. He only just had the chance to step into his bedroom when an urgent knocking followed him, and he opened the door to let in a whirlwind of activity.

“Why aren’t you ready?” Hanji demanded, and Erwin stared at her blankly. “The fundraising ball, have you forgotten?”

Erwin hadn’t forgotten, he didn’t forget things like that; he was sure he didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.

“C'mon,” she prompted, throwing a suit he’d never seen before down on the bed. “You get dressed. Levi will be here any minute.”

“Hanji, I’m sure there’s nothing planned for tonight,” he started but he was interrupted by Levi’s sudden arrival in the room.

“Why aren’t you ready? We’re going to be late.”

“Are you sure it’s tonight?” Erwin asked, suddenly catching on to their urgency and grabbing up the suit, he trotted into the bathroom.

“It’s a sign of old age to be so forgetful.” Levi answered through the door, and Erwin frowned.

“You haven’t forgotten your birthday too, have you?” Hanji added. “It’s on Wednesday.”

He knew when his own birthday was, but maybe they had a point; he honestly didn’t remember anything about this fundraising ball. He pulled on the jacket and looked at his reflection irritably in the mirror, his expression changing almost instantly when he noted the cut of the suit, the perfect, comfortable fit.

“Where did this suit come from?”

The second he stepped out, Levi was on him with a comb and Hanji was spraying some kind of scented water at him.

“The carriage is downstairs,” Levi said, stepping back to look at him, a mischievous glint in his eye, and then he turned and followed Hanji out. Erwin glanced once more at himself in the mirror, his immaculately coiffed golden hair, set off wonderfully by the darkness of the jacket.

Once they were in the carriage, Hanji sitting opposite him, Levi turned to him, wet the tip of his finger, and ran it over Erwin’s eyebrows, straightening and smoothing them down. If Erwin wasn’t entirely used to exchanging bodily fluids with Levi, he might just have been a tiny bit put off.

“Is this why you offered to give me that shave this morning?”

Levi didn’t answer, but just sat back in the seat and nodded at Hanji.

“You look great.” Hanji gleamed.

“Thank you,” Erwin replied, feeling the heat rise on his neck. “But I don’t understand why we’re going to so much trouble for a ball. And why aren’t either of you dressed? And what’s in the bag? And why have we just passed the ballroom?”

The ballroom that had looked closed and dark and deserted.

“Don’t worry about it,” Levi said, giving his hand a squeeze.

“But I am worried about it.”

And his worry grew stronger when he started to see the banners dotted here and there: Mr Handsome Competition; and the pomp and pageantry outside the theatre house.

“Levi, Hanji,” His voice held more than just a hint of warning. “You haven’t.”

Levi pulled in a deep breath and turned to him again.

“It was the squad leaders idea, they filled out the application forms and you were accepted before I knew anything about it.”

‘Why didn’t you tell me?“ Erwin accused, feeling absolutely betrayed by this deceit.

“I knew you’d refuse,”

“Damn right I would, not only is there absolutely no chance that I’ll win a Mr Handsome Competition, but it’s unacceptable behaviour for a high-ranking military official to -”

“I cleared it with Zackley,” Hanji muttered quietly. “He said it was a good idea, and that if you won, it’d supplement our budget and get you off his back. He also said it might be good for public relations, even if you don’t win.”

“I’m not going to win.” Erwin groaned, sinking down into his seat with embarrassment. “I don’t have a single idea what I’m supposed to do.”

“Just be yourself.” Levi offered.

“Yes,” Erwin replied petulantly. “Because that’s always done so well for me in the past.”

“Just smile,” Hanji offered. “And be polite.”

Erwin glared at her.

“I hate you both right now.”

Levi once again squeezed his hand.

The carriage pulled to a stop and they shoved him out, pulling him along behind them into an oppulant foyer. It was almost as extravagant as the ballroom itself, all golds and reds and large fronded plants. He had a brief moment to be absolutely disgusted by how the capital lived, and how easily they squandered money, and then he was backstage. He watched Levi talk urgently to an animated young man and was about to voice his desire to leave, when he was shoved unceremoniously onto the the stage.

“And here, ladies, is our last contestant for this evening.” A young woman of the court said, demurely. Erwin caught sight of a row of Mr Handsome’s behind her, and several rows of rapt capital ladies in front. “Erwin Smith, thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps.”

There was a slight titter from the gathered ladies and Erwin stood frozen to the spot.

“I’m glad you could join us, Commander.”

“Thank you,” he replied. “It’s my pleasure.”

That little titter of chatter again.

“If you’d like to join the others.”

Erwin nodded, gladly moving out of the spotlight, standing, he later realised, in parade stance the whole time. The competition started with evening wear, which he’d already been schooled into by his deceitful so-called friends. There were questions, and he listened to the answers of the balloon-headed noble gentlemen, wanting the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

When it came to his turn, he stepped forward.

Question 1: It’s a Sunday afternoon, where would you go?

He worked every day of the week, and when he did get downtime, he mostly spent it in bed with Levi. Erwin wasn’t about to give the truthful answer, so he told them something about his training regime instead.

Question 2: What is your dream job?

As hard to believe as it probably was to some people, he was actually doing his dream job. He was exactly where he wanted, and needed, to be. Again, he wasn’t about to give the truthful answer, so be told them that if he wasn’t in the Military he would like to settle down and have a family. The coos from the ladies in the audience made his skin flush.

Question 3: What is one question you thought we would ask you today?

Erwin hadn’t even known he was going to be there today but one thing he was sometimes asked by the ladies at the balls was if he could show them the Military salute.

Follow-up to Question 3: “Ok, please can you show us the Military salute?”

He did so and got himself a round of applause.

Question 4: “If you could have brains, beauty, or brawn; which would you chose and why?”

Erwin blinked.

“I think, right now, considering the circumstances, I’d choose beauty, as it’s the only one of the three I don’t actually have.”

“I think you do yourself a disservice, Commander.”

“Please call me Erwin.”

“Don’t you think he’s being too harsh on himself, ladies?”

It seemed the ladies agreed with their host.

“Thank you, Erwin.” she cooed, and once his back was turned, there was a flutter of coy laughter and he knew she must have made some kind of gesture.

“Our next round is all about physique, so I hope you’re all ready to show some skin.”

The cold dread that coursed through Erwin quickly turned to disbelief and then complete refusal.

“I am not taking off my clothes.” he insisted, but Levi and Hanji proceeded to strip him anyway. “I am your Commander. You should listen to me. I am not going back out there.” He tried to pull back on the clothes they were pulling off, but they were too quick and then they enlisted the help of the animated young man who’d greeted them when they’d arrived, and suddenly there were too many hands and he was outnumbered.

They practically stripped him down to his underwear and then pushed him back on stage. He stumbled and just managed to correct himself, coming to a halt in front of their host.

“Well, hello Commander Handsome.” she murmured, sultry and low and the ladies stared in rapt agreement. “I can see now just how much the Military life lends to a firm physique. That training regime certainly pays off.”

He gave her a small embarrassed smile and then sidled off to hide at the back.

The next round was the talent round and again he watched the young nobles parade around the stage, showing off their fencing techniques or demonstrating their nifty waltzes.

“And what, Erwin, is your talent?”

Erwin stood in silence for a few seconds too long and then said: “I kill Titans.”

She laughed. “Of course you do. You keep us safe.”

“I certainly try.” and he paused before adding. “But any monetary donations are always greatly appreciated.”

There was amusement in her eyes when she replied: “I’m sure the ladies would be more that willing to donate to you, if – you show us something worth donating to.”

Erwin was stumped and then he spotted Levi waiting in the wings.

“Well, my Captain is here also.”

“Oh, Captain Levi?” she made a show of excitement. “Humanity’s strongest soldier?”

Levi was frantically shaking his head. Erwin smiled.

“Yes. I’m sure he’d be happy to help me demonstrate some of our sparing techniques.”

Their host clapped her hands, followed by the whole eager audience. Hanji shoved Levi onto the stage and Levi glared at him. The were wearing almost identical black slacks and black vest tops, and when they fell into fighting stance the ladies leaned forward in anticipation.

Levi was a little harsher then necessary and Erwin thought he’d still be pissed later, but it was worth it to make Levi share in his misery. It was a good sparing session, and if they’d been alone it might have progressed into the bedroom, but as it was, once they were done, Levi stomped back off stage and stood with his arms crossed and scowl on face.

“And that is, unfortunately, that.” their host intoned miserably. “We’ll take a few minutes to deliberate and then we’ll crown this years Mr Handsome.”

The contestants were required to stay on stage, looking appropriately handsome, during the deliberation process, and Erwin felt his nerves rising. He didn’t need to worry however because, as he had expected, he didn’t win. That honour went to one of the wealthiest of the wealthy noble gentlemen.

Erwin watched as the winner was congratulated and showered upon and then turned to Levi and Hanji with a shrug; they both looked so disappointed it made him feel almost instantly better.

“Erwin, dear.” he was called back as he tried to leave the stage. “We’re not finished yet.” he turned back to her. “We have a special award this year for special contestants, like you.”

Erwin was almost certain they were going against procedure, but he still made a big show of accepting the sash, emblazoned with, of all things: “Commander Handsome.”

“And it’s been our pleasure.”

It was another hour at least before they were able to break free of the theatre, and when they did they were considerably richer then when they’d entered.

“I hope you don’t let that go to your head,” Levi intoned when they were once again in the carriage. He still sounded angry but that didn’t stop him from leaning in close and resting his head on Erwin’s shoulder. “My Commander Handsome.”


End file.
